Hipocricy in Hipocricy

Yoo-hoo. I’ve graduated from high school!

Am I happy? Well, of course I am. Finally after three consecutive years working my ass off so I can have a ‘modest’ grades at the very least, I can take a break for a moment and enjoy this life. Drowning in a pool of books and youtube-ing all day long. 

And what makes me even grateful and happier, I’ve already received an invitation to enroll on a medical faculty in one of the top-tier public universities in my country. Such honor, if I might say, considering the limited seat they could offer to the students all over the country, and considering the amount of applicants who want to get in. 

To tell the truth-guilty truth, I wasn’t really sure of what career would I do in the future. 

Not because I just ‘completely’ don’t know, or I don’t have the passion to do a certain profession, but it’s because I can imagine myself doing any of those profession.

No, no! I don’t mean to sound so cocky, not at all. I just can sum up the good and bad sides on every profession, and I understand that every profession, if done with passion and dedication, will lead us to greatness.  

For example, the professions that have crossed my mind more than once are physician, business-person, teacher, education minister, author, food scientist, engineer.

I can imagine myself being a working-class person, I enjoy managing things and put stuffs in order, I love to have the sort of authority, and an aura of independency this job can offer.

I can imagine myself as a teacher either, for I love transferring knowledge and making people understand, also showing them how to develop. I consider teaching as an art, because not everyone mastered the technique of teaching, not everyone can choose the right method so people can easily understand.

A person might be smart, might be easy to understand certain things, but to pass the knowledge himself to other person is an entirely different story.

I have two friend, they both are very smart. Let’s say they’re A & B. An is very humble and is a good teacher. She loves to teach people around when they have difficult problems or project, and she is very clear on explaining to them the steps of solving the problem, even makes sure that we understand the basics and the core of the material, and sometimes providing several alternatives in case other methods will work better for us than her initial method works best for her. And I love her sooo much. So very, very much. She is a very helpful person and demand absolutely nothing in return. 

While B, ugh, just thinking about it makes me upset. She is smart, and overall a very fast learning person. But she can’t teach. Like at all. When asked to teach, she only presents it in pieces, never the whole thing. She left the information hanging, making other people grew confused more and fall deeper. Moreover, she’s like don’t really like it when she’s being asked. She will answer the one who ask her as quick as possible, and get away from that person as soon as possible. Just thinking about how unbelievably reluctant this person is makes me wanna slap her in the face.

What is the point of knowledge, if not to be known, be explored, be shared? What would our society be if nowadays we only concern about grades and grades and GPA and scores? Aren’t those all just a tool for us to chase the depth of knowledge itself? So why now we reverse it? Why grades are becoming our gods?  Sure, i’m aware of the reasons. Those practical reasons. But I firmly believe, that understanding and deep learning will always give us the best. Not just for the sake of convenience.

And oops I got carried away. Education and how people perceive it will always be a sensitive subject for me.

The point is, I know what is my goal if I were to be doing a certain job in the future. I can plot a various goal for a variety of job, and I can grow the passion to deepen my interest on the said field, because I know the reason why I have to be on that job and what contribution that i’d like to do.

If I were to be an education minister, I will try to reform our high school education system, change it into becoming more progressive-learning and critical argumentative based. I will change the exam format to mostly essays, and I will broaden the information resources, also makes a research program a necessity. If I were to be a scientist, I want to hold a research that requires an integration off all components of universe. To study, understand, and find a new thing which can open a thousands of possibilities that can take us anywhere is a very great joy to experience. 

And so on. I feel my chest pent up with emotion if I think of so many possibilities i can do, and so many stuffs I haven’t touched or thought of before. 

But then I am faced with this path. A physician path.

Hopefully I can cope with this path well, and be able to be an independent physician who act solely for the good of society, for the sake of the patient. 

I really hope i can get to love my new life, and try my best to do some improvement. i hope i can meet a lot of great people, and understand how life actually is and how to ‘live’ actually is. 

Happy or sad. Sad or happy. Happy happy sad sad.

happysadhappysadhappysadhappysadhappysadhappysad.

That pretty much is what i’m feeling right now. I feel quite happy, but at the same time my chest tightened and the sad feelings slither in among the happy feelings. Sandwiched, and coiled around.

I’m happy because i’ve released quite a heavy burden that I carried (without really realizing -__-) for two years and a half!

I don’t know how talking to people can ease off wariness like this. I don’t know how expressing things to others can be so refreshing. I don’t know how revealing your vulnerable side to another person can make you be able to accept yourself further.

I’ve always been a shy person. 

Not in the sense of learning new things, of course.

But i’m so shy, i don’t really know how to deal with person at heart. so i try my best to please that person with all my might. i don’t want to be hated. i don’t want to be disliked. i’m scared of putting up to confrontation.  

And when i mean scared, I really am.

I hate it when i don’t think.

I hate it when i am so overrode with emotion-anger especially- until i can’t manage myself.

i should have thought before i speak, before i act.

because i don’t want to  do something i regret. 

(Source: fighting-the-storm, via myrhapsodyoflife)

I don’t think you’re someone I can trust. Really.

You back away when I opened up. Everyone knows that I rarely tell my feelings to just anyone.

I felt really humiliated when you did that,
I expose myself at a vulnerable state, yet you didn’t bother.

You’re veryfriendly, yes, I’m aware and I love that quality of yours.. But I don’t tell my heart to people who don’t care. Hurt me, annoy them.

So I don’t think that I would ever. Open up to you again.

.
Ps.
Still love you as a friend though.

worldonstring:

you know you’re getting more mature when you can control things you write in EVERY social media

is tumblr considered social media then? .o_o.